Ah love, it’s always in the air. Young girls dream of falling in love when they’re older, getting married and having children. Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to happen? But things don’t always go as planned. No one told you when you were a young girl with such big hopes and dreams just how complex love could be.
According to John Gray’s book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, “We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves”. He states, “We desire them to want what we want and feel the way we feel.” I absolutely agree with him. In fact love has a language of its own. It is not taught in schools and many people can go their entire lives without learning this intricate language.
The simple fact that it is even referred to as “falling in love” suggests that it is by accident that you love someone and no one is prepared for an accident. I believe to love someone and learn the language of love you must be prepared for it. So how do you “prepare” for love? Personally, I would rather walk softly into love than fall into it like a sinkhole. I do realize the phrase is not to be taken literally but I’m just using it to get a point across.
Everyone wants to be loved. We all do. The feeling of being special to someone and that emotional high you get whenever they’re around is like no other feeling on Earth. Women and men alike both enjoy hearing the words “I love you” from their mate but it’s even more spectacular when a person “feels” that love as well as hearing the spoken words. Each of us has our own language of love. And it’s up to you and your partner to learn each others. That is where communication with your mate comes into play. You want to get to know his or her innermost secrets and how they feel on most issues, especially things that make them happy, sad or bring up painful memories. All of these things are very important in learning your partner’s language of love. And can cut down on many misunderstandings in the future.
For instance, what if a couple had a little spat over the weekend and he decided to send her a bouquet of flowers Monday morning to her office with a note of apology attached. But what he didn’t know was the fact that she doesn’t enjoy receiving gifts of any kind at her place of employment. She doesn’t like having all the attention that is placed upon her and would much rather to have received them at home. To top things off he sent her roses when her favorite flowers are carnations. She knows he meant well. She knows he loves her but her heart still sinks because she felt that he should have known. He should know you better by now. What was he thinking? Well, he was thinking that he was doing a wonderful thing for a woman that he loves dearly and thought his gesture would be met with a call from her telling him how happy she was and that she has forgiven him. Instead he doesn’t hear from her all day and is met at home with complete silence. She feels “He should have known.” That he should love her enough to know these things. He feels “She’s ungrateful” and that all women should love receiving flowers of any kind (especially roses), at any place, at any given time. So which person is right? He knew she loved flowers and his heart was in the right place. He just wasn’t speaking her language. He wasn’t showing her that he loved her the way that she needed to be shown. She didn’t feel the love from his actions. Does that make her ungrateful or is she justified in feeling let down? The answer to this question and many others is open to one’s opinion. I believe we all can agree though that saying I love you to someone means nothing if the person you’re saying it to is not feeling that expression of love.
In relationships we tend to love others the way “we” want to be loved. This can be a mistake because we are not all alike and everyone has their own preferences. So don’t try to love your mate the way you want to be loved. Love them the way they need to be loved.
Valerie Davis is an Award Winning Poet who discovered at an early age that writing was her true passion. St. Louis, Mo. is her hometown and where she avidly studied creative writing at the Creative Arts and Expression Laboratory (C.A.E.L.) with Shirley LeFlore.Valerie now resides in Tampa, FL. and is currently writing her first novel.