Thoughts During Terrible Sex
We have all had it happen, Kittens. That one sexual experience that we either choose to forget or our brain blocks it out for us. I found these fabulously hilarious lines from my favorite blogger, The Bloggess, but I’ve added a few of my own.
The only way this could get worse is if somebody I know dies right at this moment.
Is it even in?
This doesn’t count.
Shit. I think I heard the remote slide behind the bed.
So If I Call Now, & Order One Gallon Of OxiClean, They’ll Send Me A Free One Too? ONLY THREE EASY PAYMENTS OF 19.99??
Wow. You really think you are doing something, huh?
Should I call an ambulance? Is he having a seizure or is this normal.
Maybe I should go back to my ex.
I’m getting humped on the leg by your dog. He’s doing it better than you.
WHY ARE YOU SMILING?
Oh, right. THIS is why I prefer girls.
I can’t believe I’m letting someone beat me at “Words With Friends” for this.
That’s it. I’m going to have to unfollow him after this.
I could have done this by myself better.
STOP MAKING THAT STUPID NOISE.
I wonder where Beyonce stores all her wigs?
There’s no way I’m paying for this.
I should have gone home with a burger instead.
Phone ring. Come on, phone ring.
I could SO be playing Call of Duty right now.
I need an excuse to stop this. I got it!” – “Ummm, hold on, baby… I gotta tie my shoe.”
My high is officially blown.
I wonder if I could pretend to have an asthma attack. I’m not a good actor.
Maybe I should fake a cramp…
What in the hell are you doing?
Would it be awkward if I turned on the tv?
Might as well tweet this.
Aren’t we done yet?
I didn’t even know it was possible to fuck up a oral sex that much! Wow. That’s sort of impressive.
Ashton Kutcher is about to jump out this vagina BECAUSE CLEARLY I’M BEING PUNK’D!
I hope he doesn’t think I’m screaming because it’s good.
Is he chewing? Oh no, it’s fine. His dentures have worked their way loose.